Okay, so here’s the scene. You’re at a party, and you spot her. The attractive girl that for whatever reason is not already being hit on. She seems cool, so you decide to go up and talk to her. But halfway in your metrosexual stride across the room (honestly dude, your collar is real questionable) you see exactly why there was no one talking to her. Her best friend forever (more commonly referred to as ‘BFF’ by girls writing on Facebook walls) is standing next to her, completely blowing any chance you had of talking to her and pretending like you really cared what she was actually saying. If only there was some way to distract this clearly less attractive girl so that you could have some time alone with the girl of your dreams so she could just start falling in love with you as planned.
You quickly survey the room and find your obviously unattractive guy friend who is standing around the beer pong table filled with loneliness. Poor guy. Let’s find him a girl to talk to. I know just the one for him, and she’s standing right over there casting an eclipse on the woman that you so desperately want contact with. Alright, so maybe that’s not exactly how it happens. I’ve been a wingman plenty of times, and I’m like the most attractive person I know. Well, definitely not, but its fun to pretend.
Regardless of how you set things up, this is usually how the rest of it goes down. You both now strut over to the girls (and the strut has now turned from metrosexual to simply ridiculous. I’m sure in your mind you’re Tom Cruise and Val Kilmer walking to your jets in Top Gun. Actually, I wouldn’t want to be Tom Cruise cause that dude is just outside of his freaking mind. Then again, Val Kilmer hasn’t done a good movie in years. Top Gun was a solid flick though. Is there some kind of limit to how much you can put in one set of parenthesis? Who knows). Finally, you arrive at the women, and you let the wingman do his thing. Game on.
From here on out, it’s all about your own personal skill with talking to a girl. I’m sure all goes according to plan and you pour on about life and love, business and politics, movies and music, and why you have a secret man-crush on Joe Paterno (if only he knew…) But the real medal of honor goes to your friend. The guy who’s taking the hit. Taking one for the team. Putting himself out there purely for your own personal advancement in the field of love. Hmmm, I wonder how he’s doing over there…I can share some personal perspective.
Basically, there’s a reason no one was talking to the hovering friend. Once she opens her mouth, it won’t stop. It’s terrifying to be around, but the words just won’t cease coming from her mouth (which by the way, is carrying far to much lipstick. And that shade? Are you serious? It’s almost spring woman. Try a light pink. Jeez.) As if she has some word limit that she needs to desperately hit by the end of the day, she rambles on about her boots (which by the way were on sale, purchased in a strip mall outside of DC, and yes, they are genuine leather). Is this truly the lengths we go to in order to help our friends? Go figure. My advice though? Right when you think your friend is actually making progress in his conversation with the beautiful woman he’s instantly in love with, just be truthful. Tell your motor-mouthed girl that she can seriously just shut up. No joke, just please stop talking. No one is enjoying this, least of all me. Because honestly? It’s sooooo obvious that those are not genuine leather.
Okay, so here’s the scene. You’re at a party, and you spot her. The attractive girl that for whatever reason is not already being hit on. She seems cool, so you decide to go up and talk to her. But halfway in your metrosexual stride across the room (honestly dude, your collar is real questionable) you see exactly why there was no one talking to her. Her best friend forever (more commonly referred to as ‘BFF’ by girls writing on Facebook walls) is standing next to her, completely blowing any chance you had of talking to her and pretending like you really cared what she was actually saying. If only there was some way to distract this clearly less attractive girl so that you could have some time alone with the girl of your dreams so she could just start falling in love with you as planned.
