Turkey Day is over and done with. We all once again put on the freshman fifteen and were shocked that football watching from the couch didn’t manage to count as much of exercise for our break. Don’t panic though because food will soon become scarce once again around the apartment as It’s time to tighten our belts back up and live like normal college students digesting three meals of Easy Mac a day to obtain our five main groups that sit a top thyn pyramid. “But wait just a damn minute, Derek,” you say. “Mommy cooked a twenty pound bird for three. What the hell should we do with the rest of the turkey?” Good question little Jimmy, what should you do with that meat? Luckily I have comprised a list of “What to do With That Left-over Turkey.”
(1)Toss it under the leg of a wobbly table like you do a costar.
(2)Take it to class as loose leaf notepaper.
(3)Stuff a chicken with it.
(4)Force cannibalism on your pet turkey, Gobbles.
(5)Mail it for this month’s rent.
(6)Use it as bus fair.
(7)Mail it with Christmas cards.
(8)Put it in Santa’s bucket for the Salvation Army.
(9)Substitute ping pong balls for turkey in beer pong.
(10)Dry off with it as you would a bath towel.
(11)Use it as a bookmark.
(12)Turkey deodorant anyone?
(13)Eat it.
(14)Throw it at people from your balcony. Then laugh because they were just hit by meat and nobody likes to take meat to the face.
(15)Throw it at that kid who walks around campus wearing the Chicken mask.
(16)Put it under your roommate’s pillow.
(17)Slide it under your neighbor’s door.
(18)Clog a warring dormitories bathroom with it.
(19)Use it as toilet paper
(20)Save it for next year’s Halloween treats
(21)Copy newspaper print on it like Putty.
(22)Make a donation for someone in the People Fund.
(23)Learn how to kill a mockingbird…with turkey.
(24)Bust a piece out in the spring for some Ultimate Frisbee.
(25)Replace your Dr. Scholl’s inserts.
Turkey Day is over and done with. We all once again put on the freshman fifteen and were shocked that football watching from the couch didn’t manage to count as much of exercise for our break. Don’t panic though because food will soon become scarce once again around the apartment as It’s time to tighten our belts back up and live like normal college students digesting three meals of Easy Mac a day to obtain our five main groups that sit a top thyn pyramid. “But wait just a damn minute, Derek,” you say. “Mommy cooked a twenty pound bird for three. What the hell should we do with the rest of the turkey?” Good question little Jimmy, what should you do with that meat? Luckily I have comprised a list of “What to do With That Left-over Turkey.”
