Don't be that guy. Yes, you are in college. Yes, you can totally drink a lot and are way cool because of it. However, when in a room of other college students who have most likely played as many games of beer pong as you have, there is no need to outwardly express your false sense of beer pong rulebook superiority.
So who exactly is this guy that I am speaking of? Oh, you most certainly know him. In fact, it could even be you. That guy usually enters a room of acquaintances—not friends—who happen to be engaging in some friendly games of beer pong. He removes his jacket to reveal a custom made beer pong t-shirt he made with the Crayola iron-on transfer set his little sister got for last Christmas. He beems and assumes the entire room is intimidatingly thinking to themselves, "Wow, this guy must play a lot of pong".
His next order of business is to criticize the current players at the table. His popular focal point is a player's throwing form—although he simply cannot resist any opportunity to relish in your subpar bouce-shot abilities as well.
As it becomes his turn to play, the smack-talking begins. He unleashes a truckload of beer pong clichés that you haven’t heard since high school. "Dude…" he says. "I just gotta’ make sure, you all know the number one cardinal rule of beer pong. No stacking cups! (he chuckles to himself). I live my life by it". The game begins, and it is already becoming apparent that he is an absolute tool.
His partner is not permitted to miss a shot. If at any interval he makes a cup, and his partner does not, you will hear him hastily exclaim, "Can someone get me a massage over here? Maybe a heat pad or something, because, my back is hurting for some reason". It is now your teams turn, and you consciously "forget" to wash the ball, hoping it previously fell it a puddle of Rabies and will soon be landing in his drink cup.
Yet, if his partner makes a cup, it is almost nearly as bad. "Bring it back, bitches!" he exclaims. His very use of the word "bitch" triggers an additional cliché that he can hardly realize he's overlooked thusfar. He waits eagerly for a male in the room to attempt to blow a pong ball out of the cup so he can use it. No such luck, however. He keeps that cliché closely on reserve.
So what next? One of his poorly placed shots bounces around until it meanders its way into the water cup. "Game over!" he exclaims, flexing his beer-pong knowledge muscles. "No it's not", you respond. He realizes his faux pa and awkwardly adjusts a man-boob through his custom made t-shirt. Game-on.
And of course, there is no cliché better than his awkward supplement for a blatantly poor shot. He vindictively accuses: "Is there even any beer in those cups?" He giggles to himself with empty satisfaction and subconsciously adjusts his other man-boob.
His teammate finally makes the last cup. Game over. They have won their first match, and he ends the game with his final tool-like comment for the evening: "Dynasty!"!
At least now you know never to invite that guy back again. Wait a second. . .did anyone even invite him? Chances are, no. In his mind, he is simply on a manifest destiny crusade to spread his beer pong knowledge with the world. Little does he know, you dropped a pube in his water cup earlier that evening. Solid.
Don't be that guy. Yes, you are in college. Yes, you can totally drink a lot and are way cool because of it. However, when in a room of other college students who have most likely played as many games of beer pong as you have, there is no need to outwardly express your false sense of beer pong rulebook superiority.
