People at college usually love to drink and party. It’s a great way to unwind after a long week…or a long Tuesday. Regardless of the day of the week or the hour of the day (two in the afternoon), many people view social drinking as a means for fun and camaraderie. But then it happens. You’re at the party, and she shows up. The Drunk Girl. The girl who is more wasted than you’ll probably ever be throughout the course of your entire life…and she’s ready to tell you about it in detail.
First of all, this girl is never noticeably attractive. I don’t know why this is true, but this always seems to be the case. She should be wearing more clothes for everyone’s sake, but her sorority sisters told her that the skirt was ‘way cute’, and so now we’re all forced to look at more thigh than in a busy KFC. I bet on a regular day she could be beautiful, who knows. But with smeared hooker-like makeup and messed hair, she is just atrocious. However, don’t think you can go up to her and offer her 30 dollars for a half hour alone in the back room. She may be drunk, but she still has self-respect. Oh wait, no she doesn’t. Better make it 20 dollars.
Secondly, this girl also will never be aware of the volume of her voice. Sure, drunk people are loud, but this girl will also have an incredibly annoying voice, and will be saying things that nobody cares about except herself. What do you mean you can’t even remember how much you drank? You’re so hard-core. No wonder everyone at this party is glad you’re here. Sitting on the dirty apartment floor yelling, “my toesies are cold!” at the top of her lungs, and getting attention from no one. Your toes are cold? Maybe cause you’re wearing a mini skirt and sandals in the middle of winter. No, but seriously, cute nail polish. It matches your other makeup very well. Better make it 15 dollars.
Thirdly, the facial expression will consistently be exactly the way someone looks right before they throw up. She may not throw up while she’s at the party, but she always looks like she is about to. Way attractive. Good thing she’s taking a careful sampling of all the male saliva in the room. That’ll do good to settle your stomach. Her friends who were so supportive of getting her drunk tonight are now showered with regret, denying that they even know who she is. Does anyone know who brought the girl who just knocked over the TV? No one? Whatever, drink it off.
Finally, when the night comes to an end, she’ll have taken one shot too many and the wild beast will finally go down in the beanbag chair in the corner, covered in potato chip crumbs and near empty floaters of Natty Light. Everyone else can go back to enjoying themselves, and just leave her curled up, head tilted to the side with the spare trashcan underneath her. The worst nightmare of casual partygoers and the best thing to ever happen to drunk scumbags looking for an easy make out. Beware of The Drunk Girl next time you go out - because we got lucky this week. Next week…who knows if she’ll even be wearing underwear.
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People at college usually love to drink and party. It’s a great way to unwind after a long week…or a long Tuesday. Regardless of the day of the week or the hour of the day (two in the afternoon), many people view social drinking as a means for fun and camaraderie. But then it happens. You’re at the party, and she shows up. The Drunk Girl. The girl who is more wasted than you’ll probably ever be throughout the course of your entire life…and she’s ready to tell you about it in detail.
